Hurting and Pain

Today I woke up hurting and last night I went to bed hurting. Hurting not because of what I have been going through for the past two months but hurting because of my realization that I have the insane ability to love anyone who enters my life as a family member,  a friend, and even as a lover or spouse. I have so many different levels of love and these all get placed in with the person I meet. Sometimes they take it either the wrong way as if I need them or even as if I love them in the way they need or that my love is a selfish and me-centered love and not the other person centered love so I hurt them very badly. Some say my ability to love so many is a good thing and at most times it really is a good thing but I have to question myself to if I am spreading myself too thin and not giving some the right amount of love to hold onto them.

To my friends whom I meet and stay friends with I love and cherish the times we have together and I truly do LOVE each and everyone of you. When I say I love you as we are speaking I really mean it and when you are sad, hurting, or in pain, my heart hurts for you. I remember the times we have together like they were yesterday, and I miss the times we are apart as if something is missing in my life. I know that those who are my true friends know that I have the room in my heart to add more people and that new friends are welcomed with a love that is good and old friends are in there with a love that is so strong and true no bond will break it.

Someone told me this past week that I am selfish and cold hearted and that may be true to many people who have encountered me I will not deny this. I am human so self-centered needs are going to show in me just like everyone else. As for cold hearted  well I think it is because I won't cry or feel hurt around just anyone and especially in front of the person who is hurting me. I have always lived by the thoughts of they will never know how much they have hurt me. So think what you may about who I am I am all that I know how to be and this is what you get.

This insane ability to love others deeply also gives me the ability to be deeply hurt by others more than they will ever know. So I ask all I know the next time you meet someone take a look at not only your needs for the relationship but the needs of the other persons too. To fall hard and fall deep is a great experience to feel in life as long as you are able to pick yourself back up from it.