It's 2:50 in the morning and I have to be up in 3.5 hours but I lay here awake. I think of the past couple of months and know that all the changes I am going through are mixed with so many emotions: sadness, happiness, anxiety, excitement, pleasure, pain, angry, funny, and knowledge. The last one is the emotion of knowledge that my emotions will all balance out and I will be normal again (if you can say I have ever been normal).
I was telling a friend today that it has been almost 3 months since the last time I have had a dream while sleeping and how much I miss dreaming. Well the more I think about it the more I realized tonight it might be because I am living out my dreams now in real life for the first time in years. I am starting to live again and be me. Maybe that is why I have no need for dreaming in my sleep because of what I am doing in my awake hours.
As I lay awake here now just past 3 AM I also know that I am blessed, truly blessed to have the friends that have rallied around me in my time and have supported my ranting and raving about how I feel at that moment. Some of these friends are old friends re-found, friends I live near, and new friends that I have been given as a gift. All of these people have been wonderful and amazing and I am very amazed at all they have given me. I have been told I have emotional attachments to people and it is correct when i meet someone I would like to include in my life I become emotionally attached to them because I start to care about who they are. This is not a bad thing I look at is as an ability to love many deeply.
As I lay still awake I know that the things I want in life will come true as long as I work hard, love hard, and truly live. I hope everyone wants to live with me.
Re-connecting with you and becoming your friend all over again is a gife i am thankful for everyday Mia. Thank you for allowing me to be included in your life! I hope when things settle down, you can close your eyes, be at rest and have dreams of purple ponies, chocolate covered rainbows, and crazy oompa loompas dancing with SpongeBob and Patrick.
ReplyDeleteMia...I am proud to say that you are one of my oldest and dearest friends. I know that we may not always be able to get together and do things as much as we would like, but I know in my heart that we are there for each other no matter what and without judgement. I love you with all my heart not only as a friend, but as my sister.
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